Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Caution: not a uplifting post!!

So I've been really struggling this week...  Mentally and physically.  I've been trying to think of a blog post for the last couple days and I've got nothing good to say.  I am not sure why I've been down in the dumps the last couple days.  I haven't tracked a single thing since last wednesday. BOO.  We went camping this last weekend and had an absolute blast.  I didn't eat terribly and I even worked out a couple times!  The problem has been since Sunday.  I am not sure why, but I can't get enough to eat... and it's not good stuff either.  I am getting tired of constantly thinking about food.  It seems to be consuming my life.  Don't get me wrong, I love food and all things about it... I just hate feeling so out of control.  I especially hate that it is controlling my life.  I am sick of basing how good of a time I had on how well I ate.  I was thinking about this the other day and how long I have been like this.  I can even remember on my wedding day saying "It's my wedding - so I can have a piece of cake!"  Seriously? This is really sad that I have to give myself permission to eat "bad things".  I have been reading a book about intuitive eating.  It is about giving up dieting and listening to your body.  It is totally contradictory of doing WW although WW does try to emphasize a lot of the points in the book.  The idea is to give up counting calories, points, etc  and truely listening to your body.  It is about facing your feelings and not using food to cover them up, it is about paying attention to hunger signals, making peace with food, etc...  All of these things are things I need to work on.  I am torn about continuing to pay for WW when I am not being strict with myself.  I am sick of gaining and losing the same few pounds. I am SICK OF BEING FAT.  I know that the only person that can do this for me is ME.  But if I can't seem to do it then what??  I know this post is a downer but this is my place to pout. The other thing that has been on my mind is going back on infertility drugs.  I really want to have another baby.  My plan was to lose weight to see if my periods became regular.  Well they aren't, and I haven't lost enough weight to tell if this will help.  I don't want to have to make this decision.  Drugs or no drugs?  Diet or not to diet?  I'm struggling...

5 comments:

  1. Don't give up. I do know that when I am on a diet like WW, all I think about is food. I do better myself if I just cut out things like eating after supper. If only a person could train themself to only eat when their body is hungry instead of going by the clock.

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  2. I love the new look of the blog! And I hear you - - I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch. Sometimes I get really angry that I have to think about what I eat and pay attention to everything if I want to get to a healthy weight, but I know that I will gain if I stray too far from counting points so I just accept that its something I'll have to do forever, albeit a lot less strictly than when I'm losing. Sometimes I feel really annoyed with it, but sometimes I'm glad I've found what works for me. Hang in there!

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  3. Intutive eating is what we should all strive for. However, most of us can not do it and that is how we got to where we are. However, I feel that with WW, as you get closer and closer to your goal, you learn intutive eating. And that would be how someone is able to maintain their weight loss (at least I am banking on that!) However, no weight loss program is perfect, so if you feel that you would be sucessful dropping WW and going another route, you probably would. "Whether you believe you can or whether you believe you can't, you are absolutely right" Kelli, you can do this. I know you are one strong and stubborn girl...use it to your advantage!!:)
    Michelle

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  4. Thanks for the words of encouragement ladies!

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  5. Tomorrows a new day. Sometimes it is easier to think short term. Starting Monday we have one week until you come to the Camp. My goal is to cut out the junk food and evening snacking. See you soon.

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