Thursday, April 29, 2010

Little by little

So honestly I was hoping for more, but I expected less...  I didn't have the best week.  I ate all of my flex points, all of my activity points and ate 3 more extra points on top of that as well.  I earned 30 activity points so that is a lot of extra food (68 points worth to be exact) that I probably didn't need.  I know those points are there to use, but still - over 2 days worth of food extra...

So today's class was about habits.  If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got.  Good point huh?  The challenge for this week is to pick one habit - start small and make a change.  I decided the habit I am going to try to break is to not "taste" the kiddo's food when I serve it.  All those bites, licks and tastes add up. 
Here are a few others to think about:
1. Why do we always celebrate with food?  Birthdays, holidays, etc..
2. I want to try not to use "treats" as rewards for my kiddo.
3. To try to eat always at the table without any distractions (book, magazine, etc) and truely think about and enjoy the food I am eating.
I am sure there are many more habits to change.  Another quote for the day is "If you act like how you want to be, you will soon be the way you act."

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Good bye cookies

So I threw those cookies away this morning at 7 am.  I knew they were going to tempt me today.  I was woken up this morning  EARLY by the barking dog.  That is not a good thing after working a crazy busy shift last night and only been sleeping 5 hours.  I am tired and that leads to being weak.  I decided to toss the cookies before they caused me any grief.  Pathetic really to have a battle against a cookie... but so far today I am ahead!  Oatmeal for breakfast.  I love, love, love oatmeal.  It is so filling and warms me right up.  Today's plan - to stay afloat and get a good workout in.  The sun is out so I'll be running outside for some much needed Vitamin D.

-By the way on Sunday I battled the tornado like winds and ran 4 miles after it quit raining.  I took a new route and was thinking it was farther but after figuring it out on  it was only 4.  I love running and don't ever let me forget that.  I don't run fast, but it's like therapy to me.  Good for the mind and soul.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Yesterday.... not a good day

Maybe it's the weather, or the weekend and lack of plans...  I am still learning.  I am proud of myself though for not ignoring my issues though and thinking about them.  Normally I would just ignore what I did and pretend it didn't happen.  Here is what DID happen yesterday.  I ate 59 points in ONE day.  So much for my not using my flex points.  They are gone plus 3.  I don't know why this happened.  The day started well.  I did a 3 mile walk for the March of Dimes in the morning.  They had lunch afterwards.  I shouldn't have eaten there because I wasn't hungry.  It was only 10:30.  I didn't make poor choices, I had a banana and some string cheese.  I took a chocolate chip cookie for Drew and some popcorn.  I then proceeded to eat the cookie on the way home.  For lunch I had left over chicken chili and milk.  I then had about a servings worth of Drew's macaroni and cheese.  I still wasn't doing too bad overall for the day but then we went out to dinner.  We went to an italian place.  I decided to eat pizza with the boys since I knew that all the pasta dishes would be loaded with points.  I only had a couple little pieces (Here in WI they cut pizza in squares) and a dinner salad.  So what's the problem you say?  Well after adding all the points up I had I estimated to be at 43.  BAD BAD BAD.  When I eat crappy (pizza). I then needed something sweet.  I proceeded to eat 4 cookies throughout the evening. At 4 points each I then was up to 59 points.  I went to bed feeling gross and sad that I overdid  it.  This morning I wrote down the 16 points worth of cookies, crossed out my remaining flex points (plus 3) and turned the page.  I feel down about it but I have to move on.  If I dwell on it this day will turn out the same.  I need to really work out hard today to help gain some activity points back.  It is pouring rain so I guess I'll be hitting the treadmill and or some P90x videos.  Why, why, why do I do this to myself.   I made the cookies about a week ago because the hubs begged me to.  I have totally stayed away from them until this happened.  They were SO good.  I guess I really can't have this stuff in the house until I learn to just have one and be satisfied.  The whole time I was eating them and each time I went back to grab another I was aware of it and asking myself why I needed to eat another.  I was arguing with myself thinking "Oh well this day is shot"  and then "You still have to be accountable and weigh in on Thursday".  The fat devil on my shoulder won out once again.  WHY AM I SO WEAK?

Friday, April 23, 2010

Poor planning

I didn't plan out my lunch too well today.  We went to the zoo this morning and I was thinking about stopping at Subway on the way to bring my lunch but then I thought that we would just go for the morning and then come home for lunch.  I should've known better because I went with my friend and her kiddos.  We were there longer than I planned and by her suggestion we decided to eat at the zoo.  I bought a grilled chicken sandwich for myself.  The biggest waste of 4 dollars ever.  It was a "wonderbread" like white bun with a chicken breast on it.  I added some mayo.  No veggies, no flavor.  How disappointing.  I was still hungry (imagine that; with no substance and all) so I ate a few of Drew's french fries.  I also had a Diet Pepsi.  That was also a bad choice.  I don't have a headache, but I am craving something sweet now that I am home.  After battling with my self in my head, I gave into that urge and ate a cookie.  I am so weak.  Now I am chewing gum and just drank a huge glass of water to keep myself away from eating another.  Diet soda is so so so bad for me.  It always triggers a sugar craving.  I need to listen to my gut and plan ahead for when things like this happen.  Points wise I am still doing okay for the day, but I need to get a run in when the hubs comes home and need to eat a well balanced healthy dinner tonight.  I just feel very unsatisfied and hungry when I eat crappy.  That's all for now.....

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Hungry from the neck down

That's the tip for the week that I learned from fat class this morning.  When you want to eat something check to see if you are hungry from the neck down and it's not just your head that is hungry.  It's a good point really.  So often it is just in your head that you need to eat.  I am going to try to keep this in mind all week.  The exciting thing .... I lost 5.2 lbs!!!  I am so excited.  Today's meeting was about success on the weekends.  A lot of people have trouble on the weekends for many reasons.  Less structure, more activities, etc...  It's important to plan even on the weekends and remember that we have flex points for a reason.  It's important to make good choices even on the weekends.  A point to ponder - there are 365 days in a year.  120 of them are weekends and holidays.  That's a lot of days that could help your weight loss if you remain accountable on the weekends.

I am not here to conquer a mountain, just myself.....

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

I made it!  My first official week of being a fat class member.  I feel pretty good about myself.  We shall see what the scale says in the morning.  I ate all of my 35 flex points and activity points this week.  My goal for next week is to not eat all of my flex points.  I am fine with using all of my activity points for now.  My other goal is to focus on eating more fruits and veggies.  I relearned what I already knew - writing everything down helps big time!  I am planning to stay for the meeting tomorrow so I'll let you know what I learn.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

A goal is just a wish without a plan....

So my plan for yesterday didn't totally pan out.  I am the one to blame for that one.  Sleep really does a body good.  I had a crabby day yesterday.  My mondays after my weekend of work are always crabby.  I am not a nice person when I am tired.  I didn't do my P90x workout, nor did I run with the dog.  I did get on the treadmill last night after the kiddo went to bed.  I was feeling great running for about 7 minutes until the hubs interrupted me to turn down the TV.  I was a big baby about it and jumped off the treadmill and decided to just go to bed instead.  The only person I hurt was my self by not finishing my workout.  I was annoyed with him to begin with then I thought; I'll show him and turn the whole thing off.  Get over yourself Kelli.  The only person you are hurting in yourself.  On a positive note; I did go to the grocery store.  I made some yummy guacamole - Recipe to follow.  Today is a new day.  I ran with the dog and the kiddo in the stroller today for 4 miles.  Not the easiest and most relaxing workout, but it feels good to be done with it. 

4 servings - 2 pts per serving

1 medium avocado, peeled and pitted
2 tbsp chopped red onion
1 tbsp fresh lime juice
2 tbsp fresh cilantro chopped
1/4 tsp hot pepper sauce
1/4 tsp salt or more to taste

Put avocado in medium bowl and mash with a fork until almost smooth.  Add remaining ingredients and stir until combined.  Cover surface with plastic wrap and refridgerate up to one day.

-and try not to eat the whole bowl!!

Monday, April 19, 2010

Mid week check in

So it's about halfway to my weigh in.  I am doing okay.  Here are the negatives and positives:
1. I have tracked all my points in my handy dandy points journal. On the negative side - I have eaten all my flex points for the week.
2.  I have been honest with what I ate.  I think.  I didn't make all the greatest choices, but I didn't make the worst either.
3.  I haven't called this week a wash yet.  I am still motivated to keep it up, knowing that I have to go to a weigh in on Thursday.
4. I took last week off from P90x.  I really needed a break and my knees really hurt. On the positive, I have still been running.  I even went on the treadmill at 9:30 at night on Thursday night!!
5.  I really overate yesterday due to poor planning.  If I don't look up the points before I eat something it is really bad news.  On a good note- I still wrote it all down.  Normally I would've said screw it and I'll start again tomorrow.  But I didn't, I just crossed out my remaining flex points....
6.  I realized I have my doctor's appt on May 6 with my OB.  My goal when I saw him last in February was to lose weight to see how my ovulation and cycles were going by then to make a new plan.  This gives me huge motivation to be down at least 10 lbs by the time I see him.  It is only a couple weeks away.  I was hoping to be down way more when I first made the appt, but such is life.  I can't dwell on the past and can only work on today. 

Today's plan:  To do Chest and Back of P90x and run a couple miles with the dog.  I also need to make a meal plan for this week and then hit up the grocery store.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Mindless or Binge Eating

Today I did some mindless eating.  I do this often, but today I realized it and decided to write about it.  I was making dinner this afternoon and did a bit too much tasting as I was doing it.  I made home made wheat sandwich rolls to go with the pulled pork I made.  I had one of them after they came out of the oven.  It was delish, but before I knew it I ate another.  Yes I was hungry, it was 5 pm.  I know I should've had a snack earlier around 3 or 4.  I knew we weren't going to eat until later because the inlaws were here.  I didn't plan that too well.  The eating on the go thing is not good for me.  I tend to eat mindlessly.  I am going to try harder to only eat when I am sitting at the table.  I have been thinking about this a lot lately.  I often eat in the car, in the living room, sneak little snacks here and there.  I am not sure why I do this.  Sometimes it is so I don't have to share.  Sometimes I am too embarrased to be eating again, or know that I shouldn't be eating something so I sneak it.  I don't know where this came from.  It stems back to childhood.  I remember scrounging (is that a word?) through the cupboards at home when no one was around trying to find "treats."  I did it while babysitting at others' houses- eating anything and everything that was bad for me.  When I learned to drive I would go through the drive through and eat fast food "because I could".  I remember sitting in my bedroom and eating a whole 1 pound bag of jelly beans or M&M's and then feeling sick to my stomach.  I remember eating my roomates "junk food" while they were gone and then replacing it.  Why didn't I just buy my own to begin with?  Even recently when the hubs was out of town my first thought was what should I eat for supper - chinese, pizza, etc... Lord knows he is the king of crappy eating so why would I hide it from him?  I would never eat fast food and pay with a debit card because I wouldn't want my hubs to know.  I also be sure to get rid of the evidence of any junk food I eat.  This is really sad. I know that I want to set a healthy example and people often comment on how they never see me eat poorly.  I love hearing that and I put on a good front but I truely should say "you should have seen me earlier..."  Why did/do I feel the need to do this?  No one cares about what I eat.  I wasn't held from eating bad things as a child, I don't know what this means. I don't know if I think that I will never be able to eat bad things again or why I feel the need to gorge and hide it. Sometimes I find that I am an ALL OR NOTHING kind of gal.  So maybe when I get into something I find that I have to do it all correctly or I go off the deep end.  WW is good for me because it allows me to eat what I want in moderation.  I just need to get myself to believe that this is okay.  It's okay to have a treat once in awhile.  I just need to plan for it and then keep right on track.  I handful of M&M's is much more satisfying than 1 pound... really it is!!  I also need to realize that I don't have to portray and image of being the healthiest around because look at me - It's quite obvious that I didn't get to this weight from eating lettuce and running everyday.   This blog is for me to learn to be more honest with myself and as I am learning, I am going to put it out there.  It may not always make sense, but I am trying to figure me out.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Egg Fried Rice with Chicken

Egg Fried Rice with Chicken
  -Makes 4 servings
  - 6 points

1 cup brown rice, cooked and then cooled
3 eggs, scrambled
2 tbsp canola oil
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 cup frozen peas and carrots mixed
1 tbsp soy sauce
salt to taste
6 oz chicken breast

Softly scramble eggs in saucepan.  Heat oil in large skillet. Add garlic, peas and carrots for about 2 minutes.  Stir in rice. Add eggs, soy sauce and salt.  Heat through.  Add chicken.

Fat Class

It's official.  I signed up for fat class today.  I did it even though I had to take the kiddo with me.   He even behaved while I waited in line to be weighed!  I didn't chance it and stay for the meeting, but I made the first step.  I weighed in at 182.2 lbs.  There I said it.  That is disgusting.  But as the lady told me when I stepped on the scale this morning.  You won't ever have to see this number again.  My first goal is 5 % or 9 lbs.  I am only going to think about that at this point.  Baby steps...  I'm going to try my best to be an A+ student in fat class.  Wish me luck!!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Blame game

I have been blaming others on my eating habits lately and I  know that it's wrong.  No one is shoving food into my mouth but myself.  I like to think that I am fat because of the hubs eating habits but really how is that possible?  He doesn't spoon feed me his left over pizza or force me to eat nutty bars.  I use my own hands to put them in my mouth and I swallow them too.  It's my fault that I overeat.  I am trying to fess up and take the blame.  That is a hard thing to do.  It's easier to blame it on someone else.  I am fat because I ate to much.  End of story. 

Prime example: My plan was to join WW tomorrow at 6:15 am.  I am all psyched up and ready to do it.  Problem is: the hubs just informed me that he will be leaving the house at 6:10 am. tomorrow.  So? you say... well I have a 2 year old who will still (hopefully) be sleeping.  Now what?  My first instint is to be mad at the hubs and blame him for this plan failing.  Just when I am all proud and going to step up and take care of me.  My next option is to let it go... deep breaths... and try for a different time.  I could go at 9:30, but I'd have to bring the kiddo.  Or I could go at 9:30 on Friday morning instead but I'd still have to bring the kiddo.  What to do?  I guess I need to suck it up and realize that I am a mom and so if I want to take care of me I'll have to do it with child in tow.  So Thursday at 9:30 it is.  The only person to blame if I don't make it, is me.  I'll keep you posted.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010


Let me introduce myself.  I am Kelli.  I turned the big 3-0 last month.  This was a hard thing for me.  When I step back and look in the mirror I don't like everything that I see.  I wouldn't say that I am unhappy, I just am not at a place that I would like to be at in this point of my journey in life.  I have been struggling with my weight for the last few years.  I've lost and gained the same few pounds over the last couple months.  It's been a struggle for me to do this on my own.  I know all about calories in vs calories burned.  I have all the tools and knowledge to kick this once and for all, but for some reason I can't get myself to get there.  I need to dig deep into ME to figure out what the hold up is.  I have struggled with infertility and I'm sure a lot of it has to do with my weight.  I have been told that I have "PCOS"....  I like to think it's an easy label for anyone that can't get pregnant.  My reasoning is that I don't ovulate.  I'd like to think that if I get into a healthy weight range I'd overcome that problem.  I'm not sure because I've never been there.  That should be reason enough to get me going don't ya think?!  I have a two year old son and had a misscarraige in January.  I decided after that to take a break from the fertility drugs and get healthy.  Here it is April 13 and I am still talking about it.  I've decided to put it all out here and find out what is stopping me.  I am joining a weight loss program starting Thursday.  I've done this once before and lost 25 lbs.  I think a weekly weigh in will keep me accountable.  I hope you can as well.  I'm going to put it all out here good and bad.  It might not all be pretty, but it's me.... a work in progress.