a work in progress

I'm back....

2011-06-24T21:22:00.002-05:00

Well it's been about a year. Lots to fill you in on. Since my last post, I got pregnant (with the help of fertility drugs), had a beautiful baby girl at the end of March, started WW again and am back to working on myself again. Sorry for the long break. The hubs got a job after a long six months of being unemployed. I was very sick the first half of my pregnancy and worked lots and lots of extra hours the second half. I had a wonderful delivery, a 12 week maternity leave that ended this week and need your help to keep me motivated and accountable for getting back on track to good health. I rejoined WW 4 weeks after I had the baby. That was too early. I wasn't ready to take care of myself. I think I floated through the first two months in survival mode. Taking care of a crabby baby and a three year old was harder to manage than I thought. Thankfully the last month has been better. I have lost about 10 lbs, started exersizing again and have much more of a handle on things. The babes is much less crabby and the three year old is adjusting well too. I am not super excited to be back at work, but I guess it will be good to use my brain again. I have started training for a triathlon. It is at the end of august. I haven't signed up yet, but I am getting close. I have been back in the pool swimming laps, bought a used bike from a friend, and am still enjoying running. I can't believe how much I missed the pool. It's been years since I swam, but it's kind of like riding a bike. It all comes back to you. Flip turns were a little rough at first. My lung capacity isn't what it used to be!! I have this cool app on my phone that tracks my miles, speed and has a gps that I am loving for running and biking. Most of all I enjoy the "ME" time I get when I work out. The last couple weeks have been a bit of a struggle in the food department I will admit. Last night I read through all my prior blog posts and remembered how much it helped me to keep up with this, so I decided to start it back up again. I don't have my own personal computer right now so you will have to bare with me if I don't post every day. I hope that you can help keep me motivated.

Welcome back me!

I'm counting my blessings..

2010-08-01T21:47:00.000-05:00

I had a tough day at work on Thursday and I want to tell you about it. I am not one to take work home with me. So much that I often forget names of patients I took care of yesterday. Sad really, but true. Thursday I took care of a sweet family that I will NEVER forget. I was supposed to work my usual 3-11 shift but my boss called me at 8:30 and asked me if I could come in "like now." I said sure and would be there in an hour. Then she told me that my assignment would be to take care of a full term demise. (A stillborn). Umm could I change my mind and say that I was unavailable?... I moaned and growned a bit, but went in. The poor girl came in in labor that morning all excited because she was having contractions. She was 2 days past her due date for her second child. The nurse that admitted her was unable to find a heartbeat. He baby boy was no longer alive. She knew for sure she felt him move on Tuesday night. "He was doing the olympics in there." I took care of her through her labor and delivery. She delivered a beautiful boy 8 lbs 2 oz. He was perfect in every way. Just not alive. It was the most heart wrenching thing. He had his umbilical cord wrapped tightly around him 4 times. At first she didn't want to see him so I took him out of the room. I cleaned him up and dressed him in a little blue outfit and hat. A couple hours later I sat and held her hand and told her how perfect he was and that she really should hold him. It would be her only chance. I brought him into the room and handed him to her. I held her hand while she sobbed. It was so heartbreaking. I cried with her and her family. Today I went to the wake. It is amazing how strong people can be. I believe that having a strong faith that some things are out of our hands is the only way through things like this. As hard as days like this are for me, it is much harder for the patient. It is days like this why I know I am a nurse. I love my job even when it is terrible. Today I am counting my blessings.

Craving alone time...

2010-07-31T22:44:00.001-05:00

Oh to be alone. I really really need time to myself to be sane and happy. I have always known this about myself, but it is more and more clear lately. It is not that I am not grateful for my wonderful husband or my adorable child but I need some time with me. Now that the hubby is laid off he is around all the time. We are sharing one vehicle, one cellphone, and one computer. I rarely even get to drive to work by myself!! I miss Target and TJ Maxx. I miss feeling secure financially. This is a great learning experience for us. I have learned that I enjoy being alone occasionally. This is also one of my overeating triggers though too. I think I get so excited to be alone that I react by eating. Take tonight for example. The hubs went out with a friend for a couple hours. As soon as he left I went to the cupboard for a snack. I had a (one) cool ranch dorito - YUCK, threw those away (plus it was stall). Then I opened the bag of baked cheetohs. I had a handful. NOT Satisfying. Then I ate a reeses peanut butter cup. Then I thought a bit about why I was eating. I was so happy to be alone. The kiddo was in bed and I could have some time to myself. I curled up on the couch with a blanket and read my book. That was more satisfying than anything I put in my mouth. Why do I eat like this? I don't know. It's my first instinct. I am working on it and am so proud of myself for stopping when I did. It is so important to spend some time with your thoughts and emotions and get to know YOU. I am not good at this, but I am learning. I went for a 4 mile run today and it was heavenly, but not long enough. I didn't want it to end. It felt SO GOOD. I should've kept going but I didn't. When I got home I was irritable because I wasn't done spending time with myself. A lesson to me: Schedule more ME time in my days. Our lives are under a lot of stress right now and it is so important to remain healthy. My goal for August is to put aside a bit of time for me every day. I'll keep you posted.

On another note: I have lost more weight since I quit WW than I did in the last month or so that I was going. I have been listening to my body and eating what it needs. Interesting how this is. I hope I can keep it up. I think August will bring good things.

Peace...

2010-07-22T13:51:00.000-05:00

I realized that I haven't posted my weight in forever. Not that anyone really reads this anyway. I feel a huge sense of peace the last few days. I quit weight watchers to save some money but I will still be eating healthy. Just not counting points. I have realized that I am a huge compulsive/emotional eater. Probably on the verge of an eating disorder actually. I have come to terms with it and am working hard on fixing this issue. It feels so good and PEACEFUL really... to not be on a diet any longer. I am really concentrating on eating what my body wants and needs. I will be writing a long post about this in the near future, but I just wanted to check in and let you know that I am on my way to finding peace with my weight issue. More on this later....

The rug pulled out from underneath

2010-07-15T20:44:00.000-05:00

Today the hubs lost his job. It was pretty much a total surprise. We heard a rumor 2 days ago that this might be happening but it still isn't much warning. It makes you think and it's a good lesson to not take things for granted. He was doing very well at his job. He was the number 3 in sales out of 15. It downright sucks really. But we will be okay. I have a great job and can easily pick up more hours. This may lead to bigger and better things. We aren't always the best with our money and this is a great lesson for us to build up our savings for emergency situations like this. Bad luck comes in threes... He lost his wedding ring last week, now he lost his job... We'll just wait and see what the third thing is. I had a sick feeling this weekend and couldn't sleep because I felt like something bad was going to happen. It could be much worse though.

I didn't weigh in today. I will probably quit my WW membership to help save some money. I did run this morning and I ate better today than I have in a long time. Maybe this situation will make some good changes in all of us in many ways.

When life gives you lemons... make lemonaid.

Stressed and Crazy

2010-07-13T20:56:00.000-05:00

That is me today in a nutshell. Our internet is down for some reason so I haven't been able to post pictures of my eats. I am on the hub's work computer and using wireless internet right now so I'm sorry for the lack of posting. This isn't going to be a heartwarming post either. I feel sorry for people with mental illness and can relate today. Long story short - I decided a few weeks ago to go back on the infertility drug I used before. I was doing fairly well until today. Today I felt crazy. I can't concentrate, think straight and feel like I want to scream or cry and any given moment. I wouldn't have liked to gone back to bed and slept the day away. I made it through, barely... in one piece. I won't bore you with the details of my craziness, but I just needed to put it out there. This hasn't been a good week for me either food-wise. Stress and emotions lead me to poor food choices. END of Story. This I need to work on. Any suggestions?

I'm back!!

2010-07-11T21:22:00.000-05:00

Starting tomorrow I will be taking pictures of my food again. This keeps me most honest. I have been on vacation for the last week and a half. Honestly I never even took my tracker out of my purse... Sad. I did do quite a bit of running though. I don't feel good though due to my poor eating. Keep me honest and keep me motivated. Tomorrow is a new day.

Big girl pants

2010-06-28T08:44:00.000-05:00

I'm pulling up my big girl pants and trying to change my attitude. I think I just needed an attitude adjustment! It took until Saturday to do it, but I'm not going to dwell on it. I finally got to sleep in Saturday morning - until 9:30!! Then I ran 5 miles and felt like a million bucks!! I now I've said this before, but I'll say it again- Sleep does a mind and body good. Ever since we went camping the kiddo has decided to start his day at 6 am. He used to sleep until 8:30... I really like working out before he gets up but once again I need to be flexible because I am a mommy and that isn't going to change any time soon.

My goal for this week is to only eat at the kitchen table. Sounds simple right? I have been paying very close to my habits this past week. I tend to eat mindlessly when I am stressed, and I never sit down at the table while I am doing it. That is my goal and to weigh in on thursday.

In other news...My sisters and I started training for a half marathon in October! Well I should say they started last monday. I started on Saturday! I am on it today though, don't you worry. Today is a cross training day. I am going to do my Kenpo-X workout from the P-90x dvds.

I am contemplating joining the YMCA again. It is only 1.5 miles from our house and I think it has a lot more things for the kiddo to do now that he is a little bigger. I think I will go check it out today. They have a lot of classes like spinning, yoga, pilates, etc... Plus they have a pool and I'd love to swim laps occasionally. Just a thought!

Random note : I've discovered that I love sweet potatoes... plain!

Have a good day!

Caution: not a uplifting post!!

2010-06-23T10:54:00.001-05:00

So I've been really struggling this week... Mentally and physically. I've been trying to think of a blog post for the last couple days and I've got nothing good to say. I am not sure why I've been down in the dumps the last couple days. I haven't tracked a single thing since last wednesday. BOO. We went camping this last weekend and had an absolute blast. I didn't eat terribly and I even worked out a couple times! The problem has been since Sunday. I am not sure why, but I can't get enough to eat... and it's not good stuff either. I am getting tired of constantly thinking about food. It seems to be consuming my life. Don't get me wrong, I love food and all things about it... I just hate feeling so out of control. I especially hate that it is controlling my life. I am sick of basing how good of a time I had on how well I ate. I was thinking about this the other day and how long I have been like this. I can even remember on my wedding day saying "It's my wedding - so I can have a piece of cake!" Seriously? This is really sad that I have to give myself permission to eat "bad things". I have been reading a book about intuitive eating. It is about giving up dieting and listening to your body. It is totally contradictory of doing WW although WW does try to emphasize a lot of the points in the book. The idea is to give up counting calories, points, etc and truely listening to your body. It is about facing your feelings and not using food to cover them up, it is about paying attention to hunger signals, making peace with food, etc... All of these things are things I need to work on. I am torn about continuing to pay for WW when I am not being strict with myself. I am sick of gaining and losing the same few pounds. I am SICK OF BEING FAT. I know that the only person that can do this for me is ME. But if I can't seem to do it then what?? I know this post is a downer but this is my place to pout. The other thing that has been on my mind is going back on infertility drugs. I really want to have another baby. My plan was to lose weight to see if my periods became regular. Well they aren't, and I haven't lost enough weight to tell if this will help. I don't want to have to make this decision. Drugs or no drugs? Diet or not to diet? I'm struggling...

Sigh...

2010-06-17T07:03:00.000-05:00

I gained 0.6 lbs this week. I only worked out twice so I am sure this has a lot to do with it. I will not be putting my food on here this next week because I will be gone for 4 days. That is a lot of catch up blogging! I will be thinking of you guys watching me and will still be tracking. We are going camping from today until Sunday. I packed lots of healthy foods and plan to do lots of hiking... Until then....

Today is better..

2010-06-15T13:15:00.001-05:00

Breakfast was a bowl of honey nut cheerios with skim milk and a banana. (6 pts)

After breakfast I went for a quick run with the dog and the stroller (20 minutes) before it started to rain. I also did half of a Jillian's 30 day shred workout before my DVD stopped working. Not a great workout but better than nothing.

The problem with cereal is that it doesn't last very long. I was really hungry by 10:30, so I had an early lunch at 11. It was a ham and cheese sandwich made with a whole wheat Arnold's sandwich thin, 2 oz of ham and a slice of reduced fat provolone cheese. (3 pts)

I also added tomato, a huge bunch of spring greens and some light mayo. On the side was baby carrots and grapes with a glass of milk. (8 pts)

Around 12:30 I was still hungry so I made a smoothie!!

Today's smoothie was made of the last of the frozen strawberries that I picked last summer, some fresh pineapple, spinach and 1/2 cup lowfat yogurt. (3 pts). I am so excited to pick fresh strawberries very soon. They are ready here and I am waiting to hear how they are before I go picking. I plan on stocking up my freezer for smoothies!!!

The kiddo drank about half of it today!

I have to work again tonight so I'll add my dinner after I pack it.

Struggling...

2010-06-15T08:51:00.001-05:00

I am struggling a bit these last few days. It's not that I'm not motivated because I am... it's just that I am tired and don't feel like cooking. The thing is... I have 2 picky eaters at my house. The kiddo only eats fruit and lately vegetable soup, and the hubs only eats a handful of things as well. I am out of ideas of what to make. I love to cook but I hate when no one appreciates it. I am sick of making the same things, so I haven't been cooking at all...

Breakfast was an egg sandwich with a banana and milk (9pts)

Lunch was nachos made with tortilla chips, fat free refried beans, a tiny bit of taco meat, reduced fat cheese, tomatos, green onions, lettuce, salsa and reduced fat sour cream along with milk. (9.5 pts)

I stayed away from the cookies today but had some choc and pb chips. (4pts).

Dinner was homemade chicken noodle soup. It wasn't very good so I only ate a little bit. (1 pt). Then I had a side salad with balsalmic vinegarette drsg and some pineapple and strawberries. (3 pts)

My plan was to work out in the evening, but I was so tired that I went to bed early instead. I really need to add more workouts into my week. Total points today 26.5.

Sunday was breakfast on the farm!

2010-06-14T14:58:00.001-05:00

Sunday morning we went to breakfast on the farm.

http://www.eatlocaldairy.com/DairyFarmBreakfast.aspx

I had a chai tea before we left. (3 pts) I make it with skim milk.

At the farm I ate scrambled eggs, 2 slices of cinnamon bread with butter, a sip of orange juice, and 2 sausage links. Not the most healthy breakfast, but yummy! (17 pts I estimated)

I also shared some vanilla ice cream with fresh strawberries with the kiddo.

(5 pts)

I ate another cookie when I got home. Why? I don't know because they are sitting on the counter. (3 pts).

I worked from 3-11. Since breakfast was around 11 I didn't eat lunch.

Dinner I made a salad with spring greens, left over bbq chicken, corn, tomatos, reduced fat cheese and topped it with lite ranch dressing.(6 pts). I also had cottage cheese and an apple (3 pts).

I packed baby carrots but didn't eat them because I was too full. I had the grapes on the way home. (1 pt)

It was a stressful night at work and I didn't get home until after 1 am. I ate dinner at 4:30 so I was really hungry. Along with the grapes I had - you guessed it -a cookie and some baked cheddar snack mix from the vending machine.

I am calculating the points now and could cry. Why did I do this to myself? The snack mix was 5 points. I didn't plan ahead the last two days and it really shows. I ate 21 flex points today didn't work out. That is not good.

Here's what I learned after analyzing this weekend. Bad choices are made when I don't plan ahead. I need to write down my food and figure the points before I eat something. Often the junk isn't worth it. On Saturday I should've eaten a more protein filled lunch after running to keep me from being hungry. On Sunday I should've not eaten so much at breakfast. Especially not the sausage links. I don't really like breakfast meat and they are 3 points a piece. Then after I got home from work I should've avoided the kitchen or maybe packed a bigger more filling snack to keep me from eating at home. I was really tired and stressed from a long night of work. Any suggestions for things to do other than eating in a situation like this? It was late and I needed to go to bed, but I need about a half hour to unwind before I crawl under the covers. What are your ideas?

Saturday - Bellin Run Day

2010-06-14T14:22:00.002-05:00

I went to bed on Friday night around midnight. Not ideal for a race in the morning but you have to do what you have to do... I woke up around 6:30 and had a slice of homemade multigrain bread with peanut butter and a banana. (6 pts).

It was a rainy cool race day... perfect actually. It misted a few times during the race. Just enough to cool you down. I love doing this race. It is my 4th time doing it. I've only missed one year since we moved here. I haven't been running longer than 4 miles on my runs lately so I was a bit nervous about it. I didn't have any goal in mind. My plan was to run it slowly and enjoy it. I truely did just that. My slowest time ever 1:05.55. That is on average 10:37 minute miles. VERY SLOW!!! I had a few issues physically. I felt like I was going to crap my pants most of the race because my stomach was churning. I think I didn't give my food enough time to digest. I also gained a huge blister on the arch of my left foot. My shoes aren't even that old but every time I run over 4 miles I get this same blister. I think I need to make a trip to the running store to get refitted. Mentally I was fine. I listened to my i-pod for the whole race. I'm not sure I liked that because I couldn't appreciate the crowd as much. There was about 17,000 runners. It is by far my favorite race ro run. So overall I am satisfied with my run. I think next year I'd like to try to run it under an hour.

After the race I had a granola bar and a banana (4 pts)

Lunch was a bowl of vegetable beef & barley soup, a roll and a glass of milk. (6 pts)

I ate a cookie for a snack (3 pts)

I should've had a bigger lunch because I proceeded to snack all day. I had string cheese (1 pt) and some twizzlers (3 pts). I was supposed to work from 11-11 today but was put on call because we were slow. This only hurt me because I was bored.

I ate a late unpictured dinner from Qdoba. I had a naked bowl with chicken, rice, black beans, salsa, sour cream, and cheese. (12 pts) . I also had some tortilla chips from home (3 pts) and guacamole (2 pts). It was delicious! I love Mexican or southwest food can you tell?!

I ate way too many points today due to poor planning. I used 16 of my flex points.. but I did earn quite a few activity points after running 6.2 miles.

Friday...

2010-06-14T12:56:00.000-05:00

So obviously I'm not a very good weekend blogger... but here's how it went

Breakfast was unpictured oatmeal with brown sugar. I know that brown sugar isn't the healthiest option and there is so many other fun things to mix in oatmeal, but I love it with brown sugar. My goal is to try to love it more other ways with fruit or peanut butter or something healthier... I also had strawberries and a glass of milk. (total pts for breakfast 6)

Lunch was a fold it with left over steak, onions, peppers, lettuce, tomato, taco sauce and reduced fat sour cream. I also had a glass of milk. ( 7.5 pts)

I had a monster cookie for dessert. (3 pts)

I had to work from 3-11, so I packed my dinner. It consisted of left over bbq chicken, corn-off-the cob, roasted red potatoes and grapes for an evening snack. (6 pts)

Before I left for work I had a smoothie made of 1 cup of mixed berries, 1/2 cup lowfat vanilla yogurt, 2 cups spinach and 1 cup of strawberries. (3 pts)

My total points for the day was 25.5.

Today's eats

2010-06-10T21:35:00.000-05:00

Breakfast was 2 french toast with lite syrup again - 8pts. I finally went grocery shopping after breakfast today. I love grocery shopping!

Strawberries (1 pt)

The kiddo said "take a picture of my waffles mom." So I did!! Isn't he cute!

Lunch was vegetable soup (2 pts), low fat cottage cheese (2 pts) and a glass of milk (2 pts)

Yes it is June and yes I made a huge pot of veggie soup. The kiddo loves vegetable soup and asks for it almost daily for lunch. I loaded up the freezer for quick go to meals. I love doing this.

I was really hungry about 2 hours after lunch.... So I ate...

a- PB &J (4pts)

Dinner was supposed to be BBQ chicken on the grill but some one (AHEM, me) left the gas on the grill last night, so the tank was empty. I baked BBQ chicken instead. I also roasted red potatoes with a bit of Extra Virgin Olive Oil and some seasoning. Corn on the cob and "red lobster biscuits" were also on the menu.

BBQ chicken -3 pts, potatoes -2 pts, corn-1pt, biscuits -2 pts and milk 2pts.

I also may or may not have eaten two of these when they came out of the oven. (4pts)

The hubs, kiddo and I also made monster cookies tonight. I didn't even have one. I chewed gum while making them so I wouldn't eat the dough.... They are 3 points each and I will enjoy one tomorrow for sure. I used 9 flex points today. Not a great start to my week. I was going to do yoga today... but I ran out of time, or maybe got lazy... Tomorrow I hope to fit in a walk before work. Then it's a 10k on Saturday!!

Eating by the clock

2010-06-10T14:45:00.001-05:00

Today's meeting was about being satisfied around the clock with your eating. It was about the importance of paying attention to your body and listening to your hunger signals. Knowing whether you are really hungry or not is important as well. Many people eat out of boredom or stress. I am one of those people. Stress mostly is a trigger for me to overeat. I am just now learning this about myself. When I have a lot going on I tend to get overwhelmed and don't know what to do first. Instead of clearing my mind or taking a minute to figure out what is really bothering me, I turn to food. It usually isn't celery and carrots either if you know what I mean. Some people eat by the clock, meaning breakfast at 8, lunch at noon, etc.. I am learning to listen to my body and eat when I am hungry. Sometimes this means lunch is at 11 and other days it is at 1. Some days I have snacks, some days I don't. A good tip I learned is if you think you are hungry then drink a big glass of water and wait 20 minutes. Go do something for 20 minutes and if you are still hungry after that then have something to eat. It really helps me to plan ahead, especially when I am not at home. If I am going to be out doing something for a long period of time I try to pack a snack with me. That way I don't turn to junk because I am prepared. I also try to carry a water bottle with me wherever I go. Often I find that my hunger is really thirst. When I drink water all day I am less hungry. I am really just trying to pay attention and listen to what my body is telling me. It is a learning process.

On another note -- I lost 4 lbs this week!!! I am going to keep up the blogging of my food because it is helping me be accountable. I have lost a total of 10.2 lbs and 5 % of my body weight!

I am running the Bellin Run (a 10k) this saturday with my hubs and brother in law. I am not out to set any records, just to finish it. Hopefully it doesn't rain. I have to work 12 hours right after the race, so if it is post poned due to storms I will be very sad.

Wednesday break down

2010-06-09T20:29:00.001-05:00

Breakfast was french toast made with my homemade multigrain bread (6 pts) with lite syrup (2 pts) and grapes.

Lunch- sorry no picture. We went to the zoo this morning and I still hadn't gone grocery shopping. From the zoo cafe - A half of a wrap made with chicken, avocado, lettuce & tomato (8pts) and a handful of popcorn (1 pt)

Snack was 1 tbsp of peanut butter and milk chocolate chips (2 pts). I also ate a fudgicle (1pt) today. I guess I was needing some chocolate!!!

Dinner was 4 oz of steak, grilled peppers and onion and corn. (6 pts). I also had applesauce. (2pts)

I also had a small handful of twizzler bites (3pts) that the hubs left on the counter. I am so weak.

I went on a 4 mile run with the hubs and the kiddo in the jogging stroller this afternoon. I didn't feel to great because I drank 48 oz of water in the 2 hours before I ran. I could feel it sloshing around in my stomach the whole time. The plan was to run this evening, but we decided to go earlier instead. I never turn down a chance to run with a partner!! I wish he would run with me more often. He always loves it when we do. For some reason though, unless it is his idea... he doesn't usually want to run with me.

So for this weeks recap: I ate all 35 of my flex points and 5 of my 17 activity points. I didn't work out as much as I would have liked, but overall I feel really good about this week. Let's hope the scale shows it tomorrow.

are you bored yet?

2010-06-09T00:29:00.001-05:00

Because I am!! These food posts are definately helping me stay on track, but they are SO boring.

Todays Breakfast was an egg sandwich made of - 1 Arnolds Whole Wheat Sandwich thin (1pt), 1 egg (2pts), 1 slice reduced fat colby jack (1pt), 1 oz ham (1pt). I also had some grapes (1pt) and a glass of skim milk(2pts)

Lunch was another fold it (1pt) with turkey (2pts), cheese (1pt), mayo (1pt) and spinach and tomato. I also had carrots (0pts) and milk (2pts)

Before work I made another smoothie! I used 1 cup of mixed frozen berries (blueberries, blackberries and raspberries-1pt), 1 cup frozen strawberries (1pt), spinach (0pts) and 1/2 cup vanilla low fat yogurt (1pt)

Dinner was a PB&J made of a sandwich thin (1pt), 1 tbsp peanut butter (2pts) and 1 tbsp blueberry jam (1pt). I had 1 serving of honey wheat pretzels (2pts) and grapes (1 pt).

Snack was a granola bar (2 pts)

I am sorry for the lack of variety in my food this week. I picked a bad week to show you what I eat. I haven't cooked in days and I badly need to go grocery shopping. I do tend to eat a lot of the same things but I also love to cook. Tomorrow my plan is to hit the grocery store and cook some dinner. I am needing some more vegetables in my life!

Total points 27 - I used 2 flex points and didn't fit a workout in today.

Monday

2010-06-08T12:17:00.000-05:00

Breakfast was 1/2 cup quick oats and 1 tbsp brown sugar (3 pts), grapes (1 pt) and milk (2 pts)

Lunch was a yummy sandwich made with -1 5-flax fold it (1pt), 2 oz turkey (2 pts), 1 slice reduced fat colby jack cheese (1 pt), 1 tbsp hellman's light mayo ( 1pt), spinach and tomato (0pts), baby carrots (0pts) and a glass of milk (2 pts)

Before I went to work at 3 pm, I was feeling like I needed some fruits and veggies in my life! I made a yummy smoothie with spinach (0pts), 1 cup frozen strawberries (1pt), 1 frozen banana (2pts) and 1/2 cup low fat vanilla yogurt (1 pt). It was AMAZING. I'm telling you - if you haven't tried this you must. It was exactly what I needed. So healthy and so yummy!

Dinner was rather boring since I packed it from home. Basically same as lunch. I made a sandwich with 1 Arnold's Whole Wheat Sandwich thin (1 pt), 2 oz sundried tomato turkey breast (2pts), 1 slice reduced fat colby jack (1 pt), 1 tbls light mayo (1pt), spinach and tomato. I also had an apple ( 1pt)

Snack around 9 pm was a Kashi Granola bar (2pts).

I don't usually eat late at night unless I am at work. I work until 11 or midnight and when I come home I am usually STARVING or maybe stressed and tend to look for something to snack on. I have found that if I pack a snack to eat in the evening or even on the way home it helps me from eating too much later. It was a good thing today that I had this granola bar because there was pizza in the fridge when I got home. The hubs had orded a pizza for dinner tonight when I was at work and it looked GOOD!!! I have many times eaten a piece after midnight after work when this happens. NOT tonight!! I knew I'd have to tell you about it and I really wasn't hungry! Yay me!!

I went for a 30 minute run today pushing the stroller to the park with the dog too.

Total points -25. Right on target!

Caution: Long boring food post

2010-06-08T11:45:00.003-05:00

Saturday June 6

Breakfast was oatmeal made with 1/2 cup quick oats and 1 tbsp brown sugar (3 pts), a banana (1 pt) and a glass of skim milk (2 pts).

For a snack I had one Kashi Granola bar (2 pts) and 1/4 cup raisins (2 pts)

Lunch was a McDonalds Southwest Salad with grilled chicken and a half packet of southwest dressing (7.5 pts). I also ate one of the kiddo's chicken nuggets (1 pt)

Snack was 1/4 cup raisins (2 pts)

Dinner was a few spoonfuls of vegetable soup (0 pts) - the kiddo ate it all!! I had a chicken panini with spinach and cheese - I added tomato and onion from the hub's burger for more veggies. (I estimated 11 pts.)

For a treat later around the campfire I had 1 s'more made with 2 graham cracker squares (1pt), 1 marshmallow (1 pt) and 1 reeses peanut butter cup (2.5 pts) and it was AMAZING!!!

No workout today...

My total points was 34.5. I used 9.5 flex points.

Sunday June 6

Breakfast was a slice of homemade multigrain bread (2pts) with 1 tbsp peanut butter (2 pts) and 1 tbsp blueberry jam (1pt) and some grapes (1 pt)

Snack was some more fruit - honeydew melon, strawberries and blueberries (1pt)

Lunch was a scoop of pasta salad ( 5 pts), a hot dog (5 pts) and a slice of bread (1 pt). I snacked on some cheddar cheese and wheat crackers with lunch also (4pts). I also had a diet pepsi (0pts)

Snack was a Kashi granola bar (2 pts)

Dinner was a 6" turkey sub on whole wheat bread from Subway. I added provolone cheese, lettuce, spinach, tomato, onion, green pepper and cucumbers with lite mayo. (8 pts) . I also had sun chips (4pts) and a diet coke (0pts).

The hubs and I went for a run/hike for about 30 minutes today.

My total points was 36. I used 11 flex points.

I didn't do awesome these two days, but I am proud of myself for still keeping track. It is hard to eat balanced meals when you are traveling. It takes some dedication, but it can be done!

I'm back....

2010-06-07T23:44:00.001-05:00

But I am too tired to post right now. I have been doing well and keeping track of my eats. I tried to post earlier today, but blogger was down. I'll get you up to speed tomorrow.

I will be MIA..

2010-06-04T22:14:00.000-05:00

I will be MIA for the next couple days. I will be out of town, but don't you worry... I will be keeping track of my food intake. I know it has only been two days of me recording my food intake but it is helping! A couple times today I caught myself thinking about eating something I didn't need. I was running some errands today and I was in walgreens picking up a prescription for the hubs. I spotted some jellybeans that looked good at the checkout. I probably normally would have bought them to eat in the car. I didn't though because I knew I'd have to tell you about it!!! Then after dinner some chips-ahoy cookies were brought out. I normally would have taken one even though they aren't very good, but I didn't because I am being watched!!! I love it. Keep watching and keep me motivated!! My plan is to sneak a workout in before we leave tomorrow. Thought for the day... You don't have to be perfect, just persistent. Make small goals - they are easier to reach!!

Friday eats

2010-06-04T21:58:00.002-05:00

This morning for breakfast I made an omlet filled with tomato, green pepper, onion, ham and colby jack cheese. I LOVE omlets!

I used 1 egg and 3 egg whites with a splash of skim milk.

Wala! with some strawberries and a glass of milk.
(1egg -2pts, 3 whites -1pt, 1 oz ham -1 pt, 1/8 cup reduced fat colby jack -1pt, veggies -0pts, strawberries -1 pt, milk -2 pts.) I cooked the veggies for a few minutes in 1 tsp extra virgin olive oil (1pt) first to soften them a bit. Yummy!

Snack was a peach. (1 pt) It wasn't very ripe yet, a little crunchy, but I ate it!

Lunch was more couscous (5 pts), baby carrots (0 pts), 1/2 cup low fat cottage cheese (2 pts) and a glass of milk (2 pts). Don't mind the kiddo's hand sneaking a carrot!!

I don't have pictures of dinner. I made spaghetti using fresh herbs from my garden - delicious!! I used angel hair pasta. I also had a side salad with ranch dressing, a slice of garlic bread and a glass of milk.
I went over my pts a bit today. I made the spaghetti sauce earlier today and we brought it over to our friend's house. They just had a baby and we wanted to bring a meal and go visit. They provided the salad and the garlic bread.
Spaghetti Sauce -4pts, about 2 oz of angel hair pasta (eyeball guess) -4 pts, salad -0 pts, Ranch dressing (about 1 tbsp)-1.5, milk- 2 pts, and garlic bread ( 4pts).

I went over my daily points by 9.5. I did sneak a half hour workout DVD in my day. I am allowed 35 extra points for the week to use as I'd like so I am still doing okay.

It's a wrap

2010-06-03T21:14:00.000-05:00

I brought grapes (1pt) to work for a snack. I also brought cottage cheese but I didn't get a chance to eat it, so I brought it home and saved the points for dinner.

For dinner I made a taco/wrap. I used one Fold it ( made by the same company as flat outs - which I love; the whole wheat ones are loaded with fiber), leftover taco meat ( lean ground beef with taco seasoning), cheese, spinach, tomato, sour cream and taco sauce.

1/3 cup meat- 3pts, 1/8 cup reduced fat colby jack cheese -1pt, 1 tbsp reduced fat sour cream (1/2pt), 5-flax fold it -1pt, spinach and tomato -0pts, and taco sauce -0pts.

Today's total 24.5 pts. I am allowed 25. I went for a 30 minute walk after I ate. I was hoping to do more, but I didn't get home from work until 8. By the time I ate it was 8:30 and I don't like running on a full stomach. I know excuses, excuses right?

Mid thursday check in...

2010-06-03T13:05:00.001-05:00

Today Breakfast at 7 am was a slice of homemade Multigrain bread (2pts) with 1 tbsp of peanut butter (2 pts), a banana (2 pts) and a glass of skim milk (2pts).

Around 10:30 I had an apple on the way to the park.

I made a salad with spinach, tomato and green pepper. (0pts) I tried a new dressing - Newman's own Lighten up Lime Dressing ( 1tbsp - 1pt). I wasn't very impressed. It was a little too limey for me. I think I'll use it for a chicken marinade for tacos or something.

For lunch at 12:20 -I had my salad (1 pt), 1 cup of black bean couscous (5 pts), 1.5 cups strawberries (1 pt) and a glass of skim milk (2 pts).

I was really hungry by lunch time. I don't usually have just toast for breakfast because it doesn't fill me up. I have had about 48 oz of water so far today. I have to work from 3-7 today, so my plan is to get my workout in after work. I hope you are having a good day!

What did I say about Thursdays?!...

2010-06-03T07:05:00.000-05:00

I knew my weigh in wasn't going to be good this week. I said it earlier... that it didn't matter, that I had a good weekend, that I didn't track, etc... Well it DOES matter. In the long run I am trying to lose weight. If I keep having days, weekends, weeks where I don't care... then I will never get there. I DO CARE. That is why I am doing WW, why I am blogging, and why I opened up about my weight. I DO want this to be over with once and for all. I gained 1.4 lbs this week. Blech.. I keep gaining and losing the same 2 lbs. Enough complaining....

Today's fat class was about Thermodynamics... Calories in vs Calories out. You have to burn enough calories to earn a deficit to lose weight. Simple right? I always eat all my activity points. I am going to try to change it up because it is not working for me. I am going to just try to stick to my daily points allowance and only use some of my flex points if it is really necessary or worth it. My challenge for this week is to blog everything I eat. I will try to take pictures of my food when possible. Maybe this will help me be accountable.

Thought for the day.... Have you done any activity yet today? At least 30 minutes is recommend on most days... What will you do today?

Branching out..

2010-06-02T14:25:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I am going to branch out a bit and let some people in on my blog. I need to be more accountable to get this weight off. I figured that if I let more people know about what I am doing then maybe it will help me. Maybe others can learn something from me as well. I really have enjoyed keeping this blog for the last month and a half. I think it would really help me if I knew that I had more than one (Hi Michelle!) reader. So if you like what you see please leave me comments and keep me motivated. I am very nervous about letting people I know in on such personal information about me (mainly my weight), but I know it will help me in the long run. So... Welcome! This is me, take it or leave it.

Yummy Black Bean Couscous

2010-06-02T12:24:00.000-05:00

I made this for lunch today. It makes a ton, so I guess I'll be eating it for while. It is very yummy and filling for only 5 points a cup.

Black Bean Couscous Salad
From Aunt Tricia
5 pts per cup

1 cup uncooked couscous (I used whole wheat)
1 1/4 cup chicken broth
3 T. extra virgin olive oil
2 T. Fresh lime juice
1 tsp red wine vinegar
1/2 tsp ground cumin
8 green onions chopped
1 red bell pepper, seeded and chipped
1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro
1 cup frozen corn kernals, thawed
2 cans black beans, drained (I used 2 cups cooked dry black beans)
salt and pepper to taste

Bring Chicken broth to a boil in a 2-qt or larger sauce pan and stir in the couscous. Cover the pot and remove from heat. Let stand for 5 min. In a large bowl, whisk together the olive oil, lime juice, vinegar and cumin. Add green onions, red pepper, cilantro, corn and beans. Toss to coat. Fluff the couscous well, breaking up any chunks. Add to the bowl with the vegetables and mix well. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Serve now or refridgerate until ready to serve.

Beautiful weekend!

2010-06-01T20:15:00.000-05:00

It has been GORGEOUS here the last 2 weeks. I am love, love, loving this weather. This was probably the best memorial day weekend I can remember. We didn't even go anywhere but it was still awesome. We completely enjoyed the weather and our pool this weekend. I didn't totally keep track of my points and food intake and I didn't get in enough workouts but I am okay with that because I had such a great time. I could totally tell by yesterday though that my body was needing some healthy food and to get my heart pumping. I love that I am paying attention to my body and it's needs and listening. It makes all the difference in the world. Remind me of that when I weigh in on Thursday when I am disappointed in the results....

On another note I had a fun surprise today. I used to have this amazing aesthitician that I went to at a day spa here that closed down a couple years ago and I have been missing her. I even looked her up on the internet and facebook trying to find where she went. I haven't been able to find her. Well today I found her! She works at a salon close to my house that I haven't been to in awhile! Oh Happy Day!!

I love thursdays

2010-05-27T22:09:00.001-05:00

This is my weigh in day. I especially love it if I know that I had a good week, but mostly love it because I get up earlier than normal and have some extra time to myself. I get up at 5:45 and go to my WW meeting for 6:15. It is over by 6:45 and I am usually home by 7. I then can go for a run with my doggy and if I am really lucky still have a few minutes to eat breakfast alone. This morning I had to go to a meeting at work for 7:45 so I didn't have time for a workout. I did my workout this evening at 8 pm instead. It was still wonderful, but not the same. I love working out in the morning because it's done and I don't have to think about when I am going to have time for it the rest of the day. I don't dread working out, I actually like it. I just like getting it done right away so I can go with the flow the rest of the day and not stress about fitting it in.

About my weigh in this week... I am down 2.4 lbs. I know I should be excited about this, but it is hard. I did really well this week with points and activity. It just stinks that I missed a couple weeks and I should be much lower by now. Oh well. I am going to take it and keep on going. I would love love love to have another good week and be down 10 lbs. I am going to keep my fingers crossed. My next goal is to be at or under 165 by 4th of July.

I was organizing and getting rid of some papers today and I came across some old weight charts of mine. The earliest weight I found was from 2003. I weighed 155. From then I flucuated to 170 in 2008. I weighed 158 in October of 2004 at my wedding. I think I was around 155 when I ran my marathon in April of 2006. I was 170 when I got pregnant in May 2007. It's crazy to think it has been 7 years of me trying to lose weight on and off. How sad. I ~~really hope~~ am going to kick this once and for all.

It feels good...

2010-05-25T22:15:00.000-05:00

I am having a great week so far.... mentally I feel great. I have worked out everyday and I love that. Tonight I watched the biggest loser on the treamill and logged in 80 minutes of activity! LOVE that treadmill! That show is so inspiring. The finalists look amazing. I feel like something has clicked this week. I am not getting ahead of myself because I've felt like I nailed it before, but this feels different. I really feel like I am just doing it.... for me. We will see what Thursday's weigh in shows, but overall it doesn't matter. Yes I do want to lose weight, but I am working on all of me inside and out and right now I feel good. Lets hope I can keep it up.

Just do it

2010-05-23T15:52:00.000-05:00

Quit talking about it and just do it. I read this on a blog the other day and for some reason it home today. I have had a bit of time to myself this weekend... much needed time. Therefore I have had some time to really think. If I want to live a healthy life style I need to just do it. Simple right? Maybe so, but I realized that I need to quit talking and start doing.

I have had a great weekend. It helps to have time to yourself. I read a great book -The Red Tent by Anita Diamant. I strongly recommend this book for all women. I got to sleep in two days in a row. I went for 2 great runs and ate some yummy healthy food. This is just what I needed to refresh my mind and body. I am rejuvinated and ready to be a mom again.

I have been reading some interesting Healthy living blogs and I'll post the links on the side. A lot of them have good recipes and meal ideas. Check them out!

Smoothies

2010-05-23T09:42:00.000-05:00

Smoothies are my new favorite thing. I went for a run this morning and it was HOT. 77 degrees at 7:30 this morning. I am not used to this yet, but I love it!! I needed something refreshing afterward so I made this smoothie: (3 pts)

1cup frozen strawberries (picked last summer. It's almost strawberry season again - Yay!)
1 huge handful of spinach leaves
1/2 banana
1/2 cup low fat vanilla yogurt

So Yummy!

Willpower is like a muscle...

2010-05-20T08:08:00.000-05:00

Here is a quote I heard the other day and I like it. "Willpower is like a muscle. The more you use it the stronger it gets."

So I haven't been to fat class in 2 weeks. It was very hard for me to go this morning because I knew I had gained. I knew that if I skipped another weigh in it would be nearly impossible for me to get back on track. I have been doing a lot of traveling the last two weeks and haven't been 100% accountable. I gained 0.8 lbs or 1.2 lbs from my home weight. To be honest I expected more, so I'll take it and start this new week. I took a challenge this week and took home the "community journal". This means I have to track honestly and completely and go back to next weeks class to turn it in. This is a good way to keep members accountable and most people who take home the journal have a good week. Makes sense - you follow the program because you know someone is going to check up on you. I needed this challenge this week. I have been feeling really down lately due to the time of year. I absolutely love this time of year because of the weather but I am dreading another summer being fat. We are going to open the pool this weekend... that means bathing suit weather is just around the corner. I hate summer clothes. I would love to love them, but I can't remember the last time I felt good in a bathing suit or shorts. I get depressed thinking about it. I don't want to feel like this anymore...

This week I am going to work on building my willpower muscle.

Mother's day

2010-05-10T12:58:00.000-05:00

It came and went. I wanted to post about being a mom since it is the biggest part of who I am. I love being a mom. I always knew I wanted to be a mom, but I never knew how much until I had a child. It is the most amazing, heart-filling, and challenging thing ever. No one tells you how hard it is going to be and you will not ever understand how incredible it is until you experience it yourself. I only have one child at this time and he can be very trying but I wouldn't trade it for a second. He is helping me to learn patience which is a trait of mine that I have very little of. He is helping me to slow down and enjoy the little things in life. It is hard for me to not get frustrated when the house is messy, the laundry isn't done, and I don't know what to make for dinner... I need to remind myself to sit down and play with him. The chores will wait forever, but he will grow up and not want to play with me anymore. That makes me sad and reminds me to slow down and forget about the lesser important things.

Being a mom defines me in so many ways. Every single decision I make involves my family. I also know that I need to take care of myself first. "A happy mom is a happy house" as the hubs always says. This is so true. I need to lead a healthy example for my child. Everything is more manageable when I feel good about myself. I also know that my infertility issues can be weight related too. I would love to have a big family and as of right now this just isn't happening. I know that some things are out of my control and I have learned to accept that. I still can do my part and take care of me.

Challenges

2010-05-08T16:17:00.000-05:00

So we went to a birthday party last night and I was a little worried about the food there. It was hosted by some friends of ours that we hang out with quite often. They are known for grilling brats and burgers. The sides are always store bought potato salad or pasta salad and chips and dip. When we have BBQ's we usually offer to bring a dish to pass. I usually bring something healthy like a salad since there probably won't be anything healthy there. This time we were told not to bring anything because it was a birthday party. I should have eaten before I went. They served brats, italian sausage, and burgers. (the burgers were premade by the grocery store with chunks of bacon and cheese mixed in the meat.) They had white buns and ketchup and mustard as condiments. NO VEGGIES. For sides there was baked beans, watermelon, jello, pasta salad, potato salad, crackers with cheese and sausage, and potato chips and dips. SERIOUSLY! I could have cried. I had a burger because I figured that would be a better choice than a 12 pt brat. (Yes - fat Wisconsin brats are 12 points with out the bun.) Then I had a white "sticks to the roof of your mouth" bun with some ketchup. I had about a 1/4 cup of baked beans and some watermelon. The hubs who was looking out for me asked if there was any onions, lettuce or tomato to put on the burgers. My dear friend the host just laughed and said that the ketchup is made out of tomatoes.... I am not looking forward to summer cookouts. People in Wisconsin have brats and cheese curds as their main staples for cookouts. We are invited to another cook out tonight hosted by a different family in our group of friends. I asked them what they were serving and you guessed it.... Brats and burgers. I am eating before I go this time.

Mind over matter

2010-05-07T07:40:00.000-05:00

I didn't make it to fat class yesterday. According to my scale I lost .4 lbs. I was quite shocked by that actually. I didn't have a very good week. This morning I stepped on the scale and I am up 1 lb from last week. That is probably more accurate. Either way I am not going to dwell on my poor choices of last week and move on. I found some extra motivation after visiting my sister this past week. She looks AMAZING!!!! I am so proud of her. I hope to find her strength and determination sometime on this journey. My goal this week is to be under 175. I have to step up the exersize this week. I went grocery shopping yesterday and bought lots of healthy food. That was my problem last week - no food in the house which leads to poor choices. I can do this. Mind over Matter.

Little by little

2010-04-29T14:11:00.000-05:00

So honestly I was hoping for more, but I expected less... I didn't have the best week. I ate all of my flex points, all of my activity points and ate 3 more extra points on top of that as well. I earned 30 activity points so that is a lot of extra food (68 points worth to be exact) that I probably didn't need. I know those points are there to use, but still - over 2 days worth of food extra...

So today's class was about habits. If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got. Good point huh? The challenge for this week is to pick one habit - start small and make a change. I decided the habit I am going to try to break is to not "taste" the kiddo's food when I serve it. All those bites, licks and tastes add up.
Here are a few others to think about:
1. Why do we always celebrate with food? Birthdays, holidays, etc..
2. I want to try not to use "treats" as rewards for my kiddo.
3. To try to eat always at the table without any distractions (book, magazine, etc) and truely think about and enjoy the food I am eating.
I am sure there are many more habits to change. Another quote for the day is "If you act like how you want to be, you will soon be the way you act."

Good bye cookies

2010-04-27T07:39:00.000-05:00

So I threw those cookies away this morning at 7 am. I knew they were going to tempt me today. I was woken up this morning EARLY by the barking dog. That is not a good thing after working a crazy busy shift last night and only been sleeping 5 hours. I am tired and that leads to being weak. I decided to toss the cookies before they caused me any grief. Pathetic really to have a battle against a cookie... but so far today I am ahead! Oatmeal for breakfast. I love, love, love oatmeal. It is so filling and warms me right up. Today's plan - to stay afloat and get a good workout in. The sun is out so I'll be running outside for some much needed Vitamin D.

-By the way on Sunday I battled the tornado like winds and ran 4 miles after it quit raining. I took a new route and was thinking it was farther but after figuring it out on Livestrong.com it was only 4. I love running and don't ever let me forget that. I don't run fast, but it's like therapy to me. Good for the mind and soul.

Yesterday.... not a good day

2010-04-25T10:38:00.000-05:00

Maybe it's the weather, or the weekend and lack of plans... I am still learning. I am proud of myself though for not ignoring my issues though and thinking about them. Normally I would just ignore what I did and pretend it didn't happen. Here is what DID happen yesterday. I ate 59 points in ONE day. So much for my not using my flex points. They are gone plus 3. I don't know why this happened. The day started well. I did a 3 mile walk for the March of Dimes in the morning. They had lunch afterwards. I shouldn't have eaten there because I wasn't hungry. It was only 10:30. I didn't make poor choices, I had a banana and some string cheese. I took a chocolate chip cookie for Drew and some popcorn. I then proceeded to eat the cookie on the way home. For lunch I had left over chicken chili and milk. I then had about a servings worth of Drew's macaroni and cheese. I still wasn't doing too bad overall for the day but then we went out to dinner. We went to an italian place. I decided to eat pizza with the boys since I knew that all the pasta dishes would be loaded with points. I only had a couple little pieces (Here in WI they cut pizza in squares) and a dinner salad. So what's the problem you say? Well after adding all the points up I had I estimated to be at 43. BAD BAD BAD. When I eat crappy (pizza). I then needed something sweet. I proceeded to eat 4 cookies throughout the evening. At 4 points each I then was up to 59 points. I went to bed feeling gross and sad that I overdid it. This morning I wrote down the 16 points worth of cookies, crossed out my remaining flex points (plus 3) and turned the page. I feel down about it but I have to move on. If I dwell on it this day will turn out the same. I need to really work out hard today to help gain some activity points back. It is pouring rain so I guess I'll be hitting the treadmill and or some P90x videos. Why, why, why do I do this to myself. I made the cookies about a week ago because the hubs begged me to. I have totally stayed away from them until this happened. They were SO good. I guess I really can't have this stuff in the house until I learn to just have one and be satisfied. The whole time I was eating them and each time I went back to grab another I was aware of it and asking myself why I needed to eat another. I was arguing with myself thinking "Oh well this day is shot" and then "You still have to be accountable and weigh in on Thursday". The fat devil on my shoulder won out once again. WHY AM I SO WEAK?

Poor planning

2010-04-23T14:25:00.000-05:00

I didn't plan out my lunch too well today. We went to the zoo this morning and I was thinking about stopping at Subway on the way to bring my lunch but then I thought that we would just go for the morning and then come home for lunch. I should've known better because I went with my friend and her kiddos. We were there longer than I planned and by her suggestion we decided to eat at the zoo. I bought a grilled chicken sandwich for myself. The biggest waste of 4 dollars ever. It was a "wonderbread" like white bun with a chicken breast on it. I added some mayo. No veggies, no flavor. How disappointing. I was still hungry (imagine that; with no substance and all) so I ate a few of Drew's french fries. I also had a Diet Pepsi. That was also a bad choice. I don't have a headache, but I am craving something sweet now that I am home. After battling with my self in my head, I gave into that urge and ate a cookie. I am so weak. Now I am chewing gum and just drank a huge glass of water to keep myself away from eating another. Diet soda is so so so bad for me. It always triggers a sugar craving. I need to listen to my gut and plan ahead for when things like this happen. Points wise I am still doing okay for the day, but I need to get a run in when the hubs comes home and need to eat a well balanced healthy dinner tonight. I just feel very unsatisfied and hungry when I eat crappy. That's all for now.....

Hungry from the neck down

2010-04-22T08:35:00.000-05:00

That's the tip for the week that I learned from fat class this morning. When you want to eat something check to see if you are hungry from the neck down and it's not just your head that is hungry. It's a good point really. So often it is just in your head that you need to eat. I am going to try to keep this in mind all week. The exciting thing .... I lost 5.2 lbs!!! I am so excited. Today's meeting was about success on the weekends. A lot of people have trouble on the weekends for many reasons. Less structure, more activities, etc... It's important to plan even on the weekends and remember that we have flex points for a reason. It's important to make good choices even on the weekends. A point to ponder - there are 365 days in a year. 120 of them are weekends and holidays. That's a lot of days that could help your weight loss if you remain accountable on the weekends.

I am not here to conquer a mountain, just myself.....

2010-04-21T22:03:00.000-05:00

I made it! My first official week of being a fat class member. I feel pretty good about myself. We shall see what the scale says in the morning. I ate all of my 35 flex points and activity points this week. My goal for next week is to not eat all of my flex points. I am fine with using all of my activity points for now. My other goal is to focus on eating more fruits and veggies. I relearned what I already knew - writing everything down helps big time! I am planning to stay for the meeting tomorrow so I'll let you know what I learn.

2010-04-20T12:38:00.000-05:00

A goal is just a wish without a plan....

So my plan for yesterday didn't totally pan out. I am the one to blame for that one. Sleep really does a body good. I had a crabby day yesterday. My mondays after my weekend of work are always crabby. I am not a nice person when I am tired. I didn't do my P90x workout, nor did I run with the dog. I did get on the treadmill last night after the kiddo went to bed. I was feeling great running for about 7 minutes until the hubs interrupted me to turn down the TV. I was a big baby about it and jumped off the treadmill and decided to just go to bed instead. The only person I hurt was my self by not finishing my workout. I was annoyed with him to begin with then I thought; I'll show him and turn the whole thing off. Get over yourself Kelli. The only person you are hurting in yourself. On a positive note; I did go to the grocery store. I made some yummy guacamole - Recipe to follow. Today is a new day. I ran with the dog and the kiddo in the stroller today for 4 miles. Not the easiest and most relaxing workout, but it feels good to be done with it.

Guacamole
4 servings - 2 pts per serving

1 medium avocado, peeled and pitted
2 tbsp chopped red onion
1 tbsp fresh lime juice
2 tbsp fresh cilantro chopped
1/4 tsp hot pepper sauce
1/4 tsp salt or more to taste

Put avocado in medium bowl and mash with a fork until almost smooth. Add remaining ingredients and stir until combined. Cover surface with plastic wrap and refridgerate up to one day.

-and try not to eat the whole bowl!!

Mid week check in

2010-04-19T13:46:00.000-05:00

So it's about halfway to my weigh in. I am doing okay. Here are the negatives and positives:
1. I have tracked all my points in my handy dandy points journal. On the negative side - I have eaten all my flex points for the week.
2. I have been honest with what I ate. I think. I didn't make all the greatest choices, but I didn't make the worst either.
3. I haven't called this week a wash yet. I am still motivated to keep it up, knowing that I have to go to a weigh in on Thursday.
4. I took last week off from P90x. I really needed a break and my knees really hurt. On the positive, I have still been running. I even went on the treadmill at 9:30 at night on Thursday night!!
5. I really overate yesterday due to poor planning. If I don't look up the points before I eat something it is really bad news. On a good note- I still wrote it all down. Normally I would've said screw it and I'll start again tomorrow. But I didn't, I just crossed out my remaining flex points....
6. I realized I have my doctor's appt on May 6 with my OB. My goal when I saw him last in February was to lose weight to see how my ovulation and cycles were going by then to make a new plan. This gives me huge motivation to be down at least 10 lbs by the time I see him. It is only a couple weeks away. I was hoping to be down way more when I first made the appt, but such is life. I can't dwell on the past and can only work on today.

Today's plan: To do Chest and Back of P90x and run a couple miles with the dog. I also need to make a meal plan for this week and then hit up the grocery store.

Mindless or Binge Eating

2010-04-16T21:52:00.000-05:00

Today I did some mindless eating. I do this often, but today I realized it and decided to write about it. I was making dinner this afternoon and did a bit too much tasting as I was doing it. I made home made wheat sandwich rolls to go with the pulled pork I made. I had one of them after they came out of the oven. It was delish, but before I knew it I ate another. Yes I was hungry, it was 5 pm. I know I should've had a snack earlier around 3 or 4. I knew we weren't going to eat until later because the inlaws were here. I didn't plan that too well. The eating on the go thing is not good for me. I tend to eat mindlessly. I am going to try harder to only eat when I am sitting at the table. I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I often eat in the car, in the living room, sneak little snacks here and there. I am not sure why I do this. Sometimes it is so I don't have to share. Sometimes I am too embarrased to be eating again, or know that I shouldn't be eating something so I sneak it. I don't know where this came from. It stems back to childhood. I remember scrounging (is that a word?) through the cupboards at home when no one was around trying to find "treats." I did it while babysitting at others' houses- eating anything and everything that was bad for me. When I learned to drive I would go through the drive through and eat fast food "because I could". I remember sitting in my bedroom and eating a whole 1 pound bag of jelly beans or M&M's and then feeling sick to my stomach. I remember eating my roomates "junk food" while they were gone and then replacing it. Why didn't I just buy my own to begin with? Even recently when the hubs was out of town my first thought was what should I eat for supper - chinese, pizza, etc... Lord knows he is the king of crappy eating so why would I hide it from him? I would never eat fast food and pay with a debit card because I wouldn't want my hubs to know. I also be sure to get rid of the evidence of any junk food I eat. This is really sad. I know that I want to set a healthy example and people often comment on how they never see me eat poorly. I love hearing that and I put on a good front but I truely should say "you should have seen me earlier..." Why did/do I feel the need to do this? No one cares about what I eat. I wasn't held from eating bad things as a child, I don't know what this means. I don't know if I think that I will never be able to eat bad things again or why I feel the need to gorge and hide it. Sometimes I find that I am an ALL OR NOTHING kind of gal. So maybe when I get into something I find that I have to do it all correctly or I go off the deep end. WW is good for me because it allows me to eat what I want in moderation. I just need to get myself to believe that this is okay. It's okay to have a treat once in awhile. I just need to plan for it and then keep right on track. I handful of M&M's is much more satisfying than 1 pound... really it is!! I also need to realize that I don't have to portray and image of being the healthiest around because look at me - It's quite obvious that I didn't get to this weight from eating lettuce and running everyday. This blog is for me to learn to be more honest with myself and as I am learning, I am going to put it out there. It may not always make sense, but I am trying to figure me out.

Egg Fried Rice with Chicken

2010-04-15T17:54:00.000-05:00

Egg Fried Rice with Chicken
-Makes 4 servings
- 6 points

1 cup brown rice, cooked and then cooled
3 eggs, scrambled
2 tbsp canola oil
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 cup frozen peas and carrots mixed
1 tbsp soy sauce
salt to taste
6 oz chicken breast

Softly scramble eggs in saucepan. Heat oil in large skillet. Add garlic, peas and carrots for about 2 minutes. Stir in rice. Add eggs, soy sauce and salt. Heat through. Add chicken.

Fat Class

2010-04-15T13:47:00.000-05:00

It's official. I signed up for fat class today. I did it even though I had to take the kiddo with me. He even behaved while I waited in line to be weighed! I didn't chance it and stay for the meeting, but I made the first step. I weighed in at 182.2 lbs. There I said it. That is disgusting. But as the lady told me when I stepped on the scale this morning. You won't ever have to see this number again. My first goal is 5 % or 9 lbs. I am only going to think about that at this point. Baby steps... I'm going to try my best to be an A+ student in fat class. Wish me luck!!

Blame game

2010-04-14T13:43:00.000-05:00

I have been blaming others on my eating habits lately and I know that it's wrong. No one is shoving food into my mouth but myself. I like to think that I am fat because of the hubs eating habits but really how is that possible? He doesn't spoon feed me his left over pizza or force me to eat nutty bars. I use my own hands to put them in my mouth and I swallow them too. It's my fault that I overeat. I am trying to fess up and take the blame. That is a hard thing to do. It's easier to blame it on someone else. I am fat because I ate to much. End of story.

Prime example: My plan was to join WW tomorrow at 6:15 am. I am all psyched up and ready to do it. Problem is: the hubs just informed me that he will be leaving the house at 6:10 am. tomorrow. So? you say... well I have a 2 year old who will still (hopefully) be sleeping. Now what? My first instint is to be mad at the hubs and blame him for this plan failing. Just when I am all proud and going to step up and take care of me. My next option is to let it go... deep breaths... and try for a different time. I could go at 9:30, but I'd have to bring the kiddo. Or I could go at 9:30 on Friday morning instead but I'd still have to bring the kiddo. What to do? I guess I need to suck it up and realize that I am a mom and so if I want to take care of me I'll have to do it with child in tow. So Thursday at 9:30 it is. The only person to blame if I don't make it, is me. I'll keep you posted.

Hello

2010-04-13T15:58:00.000-05:00

Let me introduce myself. I am Kelli. I turned the big 3-0 last month. This was a hard thing for me. When I step back and look in the mirror I don't like everything that I see. I wouldn't say that I am unhappy, I just am not at a place that I would like to be at in this point of my journey in life. I have been struggling with my weight for the last few years. I've lost and gained the same few pounds over the last couple months. It's been a struggle for me to do this on my own. I know all about calories in vs calories burned. I have all the tools and knowledge to kick this once and for all, but for some reason I can't get myself to get there. I need to dig deep into ME to figure out what the hold up is. I have struggled with infertility and I'm sure a lot of it has to do with my weight. I have been told that I have "PCOS".... I like to think it's an easy label for anyone that can't get pregnant. My reasoning is that I don't ovulate. I'd like to think that if I get into a healthy weight range I'd overcome that problem. I'm not sure because I've never been there. That should be reason enough to get me going don't ya think?! I have a two year old son and had a misscarraige in January. I decided after that to take a break from the fertility drugs and get healthy. Here it is April 13 and I am still talking about it. I've decided to put it all out here and find out what is stopping me. I am joining a weight loss program starting Thursday. I've done this once before and lost 25 lbs. I think a weekly weigh in will keep me accountable. I hope you can as well. I'm going to put it all out here good and bad. It might not all be pretty, but it's me.... a work in progress.